The Stories You Cannot Tell

I started picking up girls on mIRC on the late eighties, then switched to the internet dating sites like Lavalife and such. Recently I’ve added FaceBook and MySpace to the list of places that I put my fake profile/identity on. I chat up all sorts of girls, convince them to send me dirty photos of themselves and then I amuse myself. I’ve even had quite a few girls send me sexy videos too. Those are of course my favorite. The best part of all this is that I just turned 41 and most of the girls are 18-21. I have a series of fake profiles, complete with photos and fake bio’s. The young girls are so easy to fool it seems. They are hot and sexy and when they flirt with me it makes me feel young again!

I know it is wrong but I do not care.

I have been reading this site for a while now and i finally have to get something off my chest…

I joined Facebook a few months ago, in order to chat with some buddies of mine who had moved out of province. I enjoyed reconnecting with all the people from highschool and hearing what everyone was up to in their lives. Then an old girlfriend from back in the day contacted me and asked me to add her as a friend. I immediately did so, since I had never really gotten over her, and I was interested in what she was like now.

We started to chat innocently enough. A few weeks later we started to flirt with one another… she commented on a short video that I had posted of me and my friends, and said how sexy I looked. Now even though I was married, I was enthralled by her attention and the compliments. This might sound cliche, but after being married for 7 years, I didn’t feel sexy or attractive to women anymore. We continued to flirt with each other and it got to the point where she was telling me she was interested in me sexually. Her husband had some sexual issues and they were not intimate very often. Then she said we should talk on the phone “soon”. I was excited at the prospect of hearing her voice again, so I started to talk to her on the phone. We were getting along so well, I was ignoring my better judgment. I changed my cell phone bill to be transmitted online so as to not send a paper trail to my house, since she lived across the country and the long distance charges would be an instant giveaway to my wife.

Then she told me she was coming back to town for a week to see her family and inquired if I would be around. I was so hot for her, I told her that I would make all the arrangements and I started to sock cash away for a hotel and dinner out and everything. I was feeling more alive and sexy than I had in years. The danger was there but I thought that there was no way to get caught, and we both agreed that this was not something that would break up our marriages… we just wanted to steal a bit of time to be together.

Finally the day came when she arrived… I met her at the airport and we went to the hotel. We talked and went out for some drinks, and she was so beautiful and kissed so well, I was beside myself. My wife does not kiss very well, and neither does her husband. We had talked about how the kissing was something that would be almost more enjoyable than the sex. Finally we slept together that afternoon and it was amazing. I can’t state enough how gorgeous and sexy she is.

I found myself falling in love with her and she seemed to feeling the same way about me. This was not something either of us had planned on… and I knew this really couldn’t go anywhere since we both had children and we lived on opposite ends of the country. But there it was, I had reconnected with a beautful woman and we were in love, against all the odds.

Then during the week that She was in town, my wife inquired as to why I had not received a cell phone bill in a couple months. I could not tell her the full truth, so I simply told her that I had been chatting on the phone with someone and that that was as far as it had gone. My wife was understandably hurt and yet she wanted to work things out.

Now, I have smoothed things over with my wife, but I am totally in love with this other woman… and at the end of the week, after seeing one another a couple more times, She had to go home to her family. I am devastated, and I feel empty inside. I love my wife, and my little child, but I know I could have been so happy with this other woman, if only things had been different. This might be a common enough story, but to me, it feels like a horrible romantic tragedy. I have cried on the way to work for days now, wondering if the sun will ever feel as warm to me as it did while She was here… I feel things so sharply and I can’t put Her out of my mind. I will never forget Her or the short time we spent together, and I feel like even though people who read my story will think I am a cheating bastard, I am torn in two by this. How do you let someone go who makes you SO bloody happy? I feel like I will never get over this…

I never set out to hurt anyone, and I accept the consequences… and I am going to hurt for a long time regarding my love for this woman, and the inability for this situation to go anywhere.

I hope some of you out there can understand how I am feeling… love is never simple or easy and I am dying inside with Her gone.